


Five Things Jesse Pinkman Learned from Mike Ehrmantraut (And One Thing He Learned from Mr. White)

by heyjupiter



Series: 5 Bad Things [2]
Category: Breaking Bad
Genre: 5 Things, Canon Compliant, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-13
Updated: 2013-10-13
Packaged: 2017-12-29 08:02:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1002957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heyjupiter/pseuds/heyjupiter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>(Because Mr. White's not the only teacher out there, even if Mike never got a paycheck from J. P. Wynne.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Five Things Jesse Pinkman Learned from Mike Ehrmantraut (And One Thing He Learned from Mr. White)

**Author's Note:**

> Each of these ficlets is set during or following one or more episodes & contains a few snippets of dialogue from at least one of those episodes:
> 
> 1) 02x04 & 02x13  
> 2) 03x01, 04x04 & 04x05  
> 3) 04x06 & 04x07  
> 4) 04x07  
> 5) 04x10 & 04x11  
> *) 05x01, 05x06, & 05x07
> 
> All glory to Vince Gilligan & the rest of the Breaking Bad writers!
> 
> (#4 is also a retelling of #4 from [Five Times Mike Ehrmantraut Was Surprised By Jesse Pinkman (And One Time He Wasn't)](http://archiveofourown.org/works/997166).)

1) After Jesse's Aunt Ginny died, and she left him the house (but not on paper, as it turned out), Jesse's parents had come over and asked him what he wanted to do with all her stuff. In a haze of grief and pot, he'd said, "Keep it here, I guess. That's like, where it belongs, right? Uh, unless there's any of it you guys want? Like keepsakes, or whatever?"

His parents exchanged glances and his dad said, "We were thinking about having an estate sale."

"What? No way, just like, let strangers take Aunt Ginny's stuff?"

His mom squeezed his hand and said, "I know you cared about her, Jesse, but we should talk about this practically."

"No way," Jesse repeated. "Aunt Ginny said I could stay here, that the house was mine, and all that stuff is a part of it, too. Her stuff." His eyes teared up, and his mom's face softened.

"All right, Jesse," she said. "We can talk about this later."

But each time his parents tried to bring it up, Jesse grew more adamant about not changing the house, except for his own bedroom, the one where he used to crash after he fought with his parents, and where he'd officially moved in after Aunt Ginny got sick. The bathroom was still filled with Aunt Ginny's makeup (which turned out to come in handy later) and half-empty shampoo bottle and stuff. At least until Jesse accidentally ruined the bathroom with hydrofluoric acid. But Jesse was pretty sure Aunt Ginny would have understood. She'd always been patient with Jesse, even when he fucked stuff up, like forgot to make her lunch once in awhile or was late getting her to one of her appointments or whatever. Like, at least he'd tried.

His parents didn't even know about Emilio and the acid when they gave up on Jesse for good and sent those total asshole movers over to pack up all Aunt Ginny's stuff, and Jesse's stuff too, which they like totally had no right to do. In a way, Jesse had thought that day was even worse than the day Aunt Ginny had actually died, like, she was gone for _real_ , and plus Jesse became homeless.

Jesse remembers that day now, watching this old dude go through his place and take his stuff. It's different this time, though. Like, this guy--Jesse missed his name, if he even said it--is here because Walt sent him, or Saul. Someone who's actually trying to help Jesse, even though he doesn't deserve it. 

The guy makes Jesse repeat, "I woke up, I found her, that's all I know," and Jesse learns that he's still capable of reaching new lows.

* * *

2) After Jane died, Mr. White took Jesse to that stupid rehab where he had nothing to do but gay shit like plant flowers and talk about his feelings or whatever. Jesse would never say it to Mr. White, but as much as he hated it, it was good for him. He'd been able to figure some stuff out. He'd come to terms with the fact that he was a bad guy. That he deserved whatever happened to him. 

After what Jesse did to Gale, Jesse knows he doesn't deserve to live. Gale was innocent, just some nerdy-looking fuck making tea, and Jesse had shot him in the head. It wasn't self-defense, or an accident. It was just murder, no matter how Mr. White tried to justify it. Murder to save Mr. White was still murder. Jesse feels a sense of calm clarity, knowing that the universe will give Jesse the fate he deserves. Everything that happens until then is just details.

When Mike and Tyrus come over to tell Jesse someone's been stealing from him, to make him look at the tied up methhead in his living room, Jesse finds it hard to care. So what if someone's stealing his drug money? He doesn't really deserve to have it anyway. And if the thief gets fucked up by Gus's henchmen, well, he probably deserves that.

When Jesse fails to get all worked up about it, Mike says, "You're on thin ice, you little shithead. You know that?" 

Jesse knows. He just doesn't care. He doesn't care, either, when Mike comes back for him the next day. 

"Get up. We're going for a ride," Mike says.

Jesse shrugs. He knows there's no point in delaying it, so he climbs out of bed and walks to the doorway.

"You wanna put some shoes on?" Mike asks. Jesse pauses, and Mike says, "Let me rephrase that. Put some shoes on, and then you're coming with me." Jesse puts his shoes on, grabs his jacket, and follows Mike downstairs.

Outside, Mike says, "Don't forget to lock up. We're not gonna be watching your house today."

They drive out into the desert, and Jesse knows Mike's gonna kill him.

In NA, they say, "Let go and let God," and that's what Jesse's doing.

But then they keep driving, and Jesse gets bored. Mr. White calls Mike looking for him, and Jesse realizes he forgot his phone. Well, what would he do anyway, text a goodbye message to Badger and Skinny Pete? Oh, shit, Jesse thinks, that would actually be nice. Those guys would probably miss Jesse. Well, too late now. Mike passes the phone to Jesse, and Jesse dutifully reports all the information he has about his current situation, which is basically jack shit.

"Give the phone back to Mike," Mr. White finally says, losing patience with Jesse for the billionth time, for maybe the last time. Jesse does, and he looks out the window, and abruptly he realizes: he does not want to die. He knows he still _deserves_ to die, but he doesn't _want_ to, especially not at the hands of this one-eared old fuck. Jesse remembers at school, how sometimes they showed self defense videos so girls would know how to not get raped or whatever. Jesse fumbles in his pocket, trying to be stealthy. He threads his keys between his fingers and resolves to live, or at least to go down fighting.

* * *

3) Driving around with Mike on these runs is basically torture. Just him and an old dude who gives him a scary-ass glare every time Jesse makes any kind of sound. It makes hanging out in an RV in the middle of the desert with Mr. White seem like paradise in comparison. At least Mr. White talks to Jesse, even if it's mostly to tell him what a fuck-up he is. Whenever Mike's not driving, he buries his face in a newspaper to avoid having to talk to Jesse. But whatever, at least it doesn't seem like he's going to kill Jesse. He's just the world's scariest babysitter.

After that weird meeting out at the factory farm, which Jesse probably wouldn't have understood even if he spoke Spanish, Jesse looks at the gun Mike had given him and thinks about shooting Gus. It's what Mr. White wants him to do. But if he does, then what? Then Mike _would_ kill him, or worse, and… well, and Jesse doesn't know what would come after that. It's just not the right time, Jesse decides. He can wait and use the ricin.

In the car, on the way back from the meeting, Jesse finally asks, "What is this? I mean, you're giving me a gun and now I'm like part of the team or whatever? He says he sees something in me. Like what?"

"If I had to put it in a word, I'd guess loyalty."

"Loyalty."

"Only maybe you got it for the wrong guy."

Jesse looks out the window for a long time and finally says, "Mr. White said you guys were gonna kill him if I didn't do it." Mike's silent, and Jesse clarifies, "Uh, kill Gale, I mean."

"Well, he was right," Mike says. "For whatever that's worth."

Jesse says, "It's not like I wanted to do it. I just… I didn't know what else to do."

Mike says, "From now on, you just do what I tell you to do, and we'll be fine."

"Okay," Jesse says. "Uh, and, um, I'm sorry for--"

"Kid, I don't want an apology from you. I just want you to keep quiet and do what you're told. All right?"

"Okay, fine, whatever," Jesse says. He stares out the window, for all intents and purposes, alone with his thoughts. Loyalty, huh? Nobody had ever called Jesse loyal before. Was Mike for real about that? Had Mike known Jesse was about to poison Gus? No way, right? Mike wouldn't have given him a gun if he didn't trust Jesse, right? Or was Mr. White right, and they're just trying to turn Jesse against Mr. White? 

Jesse's starting to feel like a kid with divorced parents, but his parents are Mr. White and Gus, which is messed up. He drums his fingers on the dashboard, and stops when Mike clears his throat. Actually, he realizes, he's more like their dog. A dumb, loyal, dog.

* * *

4) Jesse's still trying to figure out what Mike's whole deal is. He's like, super serious and scary, but it seems like maybe he doesn't totally hate Jesse. Like maybe sometimes he's even impressed with Jesse, which Mr. White never is. Of course, he's also totally annoyed by Jesse a lot, but Jesse's kinda used to people thinking he's annoying. At least Mike's honest.

So Jesse shouldn't be surprised that the day after Mike gave him a gun and said, "Figure I better teach you how to shoot," Mike pulls off the road in the middle of the desert somewhere and says, "Get your gun."

Jesse looks around and says, "This isn't one of the drop points."

"Well observed. No, I'm gonna teach you how to shoot."

"Oh," Jesse says. He gets the gun out of the glove box and stands outside the car, squinting down at the gun.

Mike pulls a target out of the backseat, like one of those body-shaped ones that they use on police shows, and he walks way far out into the desert to set it up. Jesse shields his eyes with his hand and watches him walk back toward him.

"Okay, Jesse, let's start with the basics," Mike says. "You know how to load this?"

"Um, yeah, I know how to use a gun," Jesse says. Isn't that why he's here in the first place?

"Uh huh," Mike says. "So hit that target."

"That's like, really far away."

"And… you'd rather wait until an active shooter gets closer to you because...?"

Jesse rolls his eyes. He might as well get this over with. He aims and tries to pretend like it's a video game. But he sees Gale's face, and his shot goes astray. Mission failed.

"Try again," Mike says. Then he looks at Jesse closely and says, "Are you using again?" Jesse can practically hear him say, "you useless junkie."

"No!" Jesse says. "Not like I even have any free time anymore anyway." He stops himself from saying, "what with you babysitting me all the time."

"Mmm," Mike says. He shows Jesse how to hold his feet, all this bullshit. Finally, Jesse tries again, and he hits the target in the head. But he still sees Gale.

"You feel okay?" Mike asks.

"I just…" Jesse says. He looks at Mike, who looks like maybe he's actually concerned. Jesse figures it's worth a shot, even though he knows Mike's way tougher than Jesse is, and he says, "Um, do you ever, you know, think about them? Um, people you've killed?" 

Mike says, "Sure. Sometimes."

"Does it--how do you--" Jesse says, then stops. He wants to say this right, but he knows he's not very good with words. "What am I supposed to do?" he finally asks. He wants to hear that he'll feel better. That he'll stop seeing Gale's face everywhere.

Mike pats his shoulder. "Just do what I tell you to do, okay, kid?"

"Okay," Jesse says. This is just what he does now, apparently. Kill people who other people ask him to.

Mike frowns and says, "Jesse, don't worry. You're nobody's top choice for a hitman, all right? I'm teaching you this for your own defense. For emergencies. Like I said, things might get hairy, here. I need to be sure you can handle yourself. Now, try again."

Jesse thinks he probably shouldn't find that reassuring, but he does. Mike makes him practice again and again. Jesse learns how to draw, how to stand, how to aim, how to reload, all that shit, and by the end of the afternoon, Jesse figures he's a pretty good shot, even if he can't stop seeing Gale's face over the target.

"Well, that's about enough of this," Mike says. "We've got one more stop, and then we'll get some dinner."

In the car, Jesse puts the gun back in the glove box. Mike nods and says, "You did good out there, kid. Now remember, that's for emergencies. I still don't want to see that in your hand unless you see me with mine, got it?"

"Yeah, got it," Jesse says. Maybe, he thinks, that's the difference between Mike and Mr. White. Mike won't ask Jesse to do anything Mike won't do himself. But no, that's not fair, Gus won't let Mr. White get close to him. Otherwise Mr. White would totally do it. Right?

* * *

5) Jesse wonders if the cartel's tiny little plane is even safe, and almost laughs out loud at the ridiculousness of that thought. If they're gonna kill him, it's not gonna be by plane crash. 

Jesse's never even been to Mexico before, and now he's probably gonna die there. He has no clue why Gus thinks he can teach the cartel guys how to make Blue Sky. Why doesn't Gus know what a fuck-up he is? 

Gus looks over at him and says, "You can do this," like he can read Jesse's thoughts or something. And like, yeah, Mr. White had said Jesse's meth was as good as his, but it's not like Jesse understands the _chemistry_ of it. He just knows how to do it.

But it turns out all that time with Mr. White taught Jesse _something_ , even if it wasn't chemistry exactly, and Jesse doesn't miss the approving nods he gets from Gus and Mike for his little performance in the lab. It turns out Jesse can be just as big of a dick as Mr. White if he puts his mind to it. If his life depends on it.

Then that guy Gaff tells Jesse, "You belong to the cartel now," and Jesse panics. No one had told him that was the cost of success. He looks over to Mike and Gus and sees they've got stone-cold poker faces, like usual. Had this been their plan all along? Is this why they wanted Jesse's loyalty? So they could ship him off to Mexico forever?

God, Jesse so does not want to live in Mexico. He doesn't even know Mexican. 

After they clean up the lab, Mike and Gus take Jesse over to some fancy mansion with a pool and everything. Jesse maybe wouldn't mind living in Mexico if it were a place like this, but he's pretty sure that's not really what the cartel has in mind for him.

He leans over and asks Mike, "What is this shit? I don't get a vote? I'm supposed to just stay down here forever?"

"I promise you this: either we're all going home or none of us are," Mike says. Jesse realizes two things: first, that Gus and Mike are in over their heads too; and second, that he trusts Mike and Gus. They'd trusted Jesse to do the cook, and he'd done it. Ninety-six point two percent, bitch. Now he'll trust that these guys will get Jesse out of there.

He wishes they'd let him in on the plan, at least. It might make it easier for him to enjoy this sweet party that's mysteriously broken out. But nope, apparently he's not even allowed to drink, and he feels too nervous to even enjoy the hot chick on his lap. 

Whatever. Mike's already saved Jesse's life once, and Jesse knows he can trust him to do it again.

But then it turns out maybe Jesse can be useful too. After that guy shoots Mike, Jesse's surprised that his lessons from Mike come back to him. He turns and stands the right way and wastes the guy, and helps Mike into the car. Mike and Gus are both in rough shape, but between them, they manage to tell Jesse where to go. He hears Gus make a mumbled phone call in Spanish.

Mike's basically unconscious when they arrive at the makeshift hospital, and there's blood _everywhere_ , but the doctors ignore him and go for Gus. 

Frantically, Jesse struggles to get Mike inside. Mike's fuckin' heavy for an old guy, but Jesse's full of adrenaline and they manage. But the doctors continue to ignore Jesse's pleas. Frustrated, he yells, "This man needs help!"

"This man pays my salary," one of the doctors says.

Jesse paces around, looking for something to do, some way to help. No way is he just gonna watch while Mike bleeds to death. He finds some like, gauze or something and pushes it against Mike's wound. That's what they do on TV.

Mike nods at Jesse before he passes out. He'd looked way out of it, like Aunt Ginny did toward the end. Jesse keeps holding down the blood-soaked gauze. It takes the doctors fuckin' forever to finish with Gus, but eventually they come over and work on Mike. 

Jesse sits by Mike's bed, watching for any sign of improvement. He notices the bag of blood is running low. Desperate for Mike to be okay, for Jesse's choices to mean something, he asks, "Hey, yo, you think he needs more blood?" The doctor tells Jesse to get more blood for Mike, and Jesse looks in the refrigerator and learns what it means to be part of the team.

* * *

*) "Oh, Jesse. Jesus. What is it with you guys? Honest to God," Mike asks, while Jesse desperately pleads for Mr. White's life. Jesse's not sure why he's so confident Mike won't kill him, now that Gus is dead, but he just is. He knows Mike totally _will_ kill Mr. White, though, unless Jesse can make him listen.

Jesse's not sure why Mike doesn't get it, the thing he has with Mr. White. It's like what Mike had with Gus, right? Maybe not, though. Those two weren't partners. Gus was like, in charge, and Mike worked for him. Still, Jesse's pretty sure Mike felt about Gus the way Jesse feels about Mr. White. If that's true, he doesn't think Mike will ever forgive Mr. White. But what about Jesse? Jesse just wants to _explain_ to Mike, that it wasn't like he wanted to betray Gus and Mike, but he doesn't know how to put it into words. He knows he doesn't deserve for Mike to forgive him for anything, but he still desperately wants it. He gets Mike to listen to Mr. White, so at least that's something.

Later, when Mike calls him, when he's leaving the house where they're cooking, where Mr. White is just fuckin' whistling while he works, like Ricky Hitler didn't kill an innocent kid for no reason, Jesse's surprised. He goes to meet Mike at the office, listens intently to Mike's plan to get out, and he's so, so happy. Hasn't Jesse wanted a way out of all this? Isn't this perfect? He's overwhelmed with relief, but also with pride that Mike would make this offer to him. All that fades when Mr. White shows up and Jesse has to tell him what he's decided. He knows Mike has a really good plan, and he knows it's dumb to feel so bad about disappointing Mr. White, but he can't help it.

The last time Jesse sees Mike, Jesse says, "Hey, so, I guess… I guess I'll see you around."

"Nope, don't think so," Mike says, and Jesse's stung. It's not like he thought he and Mike were gonna exchange friendship bracelets or whatever, but he's still gonna miss the guy, as weird as that sounds. Mike adds, "When I'm out, I'm out."

Jesse says, "I'm out too, Mike," like Mike forgot that somehow, and Mike just _looks_ at him and Jesse knows he doesn't believe him. 

"Kid, just look out for yourself," Mike says. He shakes Jesse's hand and drives off, leaving Jesse with his stupid thoughts.

The thing is, Mr. White is the only person left who really needs Jesse. Jesse's the one who taught him how to cook. And Mr. White had stuck his neck out for Jesse when no one else would. And now... Mr. White had invited Jesse over for dinner, told Jesse about how his kids were gone, how his wife wanted him to die, how the meth business was the only thing Mr. White had left. The business Jesse and Mr. White had started.

Gus and Mike and them, they made Jesse part of a team, which he'd never been before. But before that, Mr. White and Jesse were _partners_. Jesse couldn't explain it to Mike, but he just knows he can't abandon Mr. White, not after everything they've been through together. Mr. White taught Jesse what it was like to be _needed_ by someone, and it turns out that maybe that's what Jesse needs most of all.


End file.
